Only by letting go completely, only by losing oneself, does one find self....

September 16

It seems as though on the one hand I have learned a tremendous amount about the nature of energy, of reality.... but the beliefs I hold are difficult to be accepting of. I continue to make judgements on myself. I know that every time I make a judgement that something I did was "good", or "bad", I am continuing to subscribe to not be accepting of my beliefs. I continue to try.

It seems

It seems one of the points of life is to realize that all of your experiences come from within you.... that there IS no outside.

I notice now

I notice now.... that the happiest moments of my life.... have been the times when I forget who I am... whether it be looking at a beautiful flower, or being lost in a sunny day.... I was so alive in the moment that my existence was no longer singular. I had actually become the environment around me, the trees, the sky, the very stars in the sky existed for me, and were me.

Perhaps

Perhaps suffering has its own purpose.... to extinguish the flames of desire, and thus lead to everlasting peace; the peace of simultaneous time, the peace of eternity. Perhaps it is this peace I am longing after, and the pleasures of physicalness are outdated for me.

I am noticing

I am noticing that the veils are starting to crack in our awareness. I know that I cannot be the only one dissatisfied with the way life in our times. I rebel.... completely, against the notion that my life revolves around a paycheck, and buying things. Isn't there more to life than this? In my dreams.... I notice I am so much more than I am in waking life. It is quite troublesome for me to wake up, actually, because the waking awareness has surely developed an epic ego, that is bent on satisfying its desires in trivial ways, leaving me dissatisfied, and broken inside. What is the point of all of this? I hope with every fiber of my being that consciousness IS shifting, and greater freedoms lie ahead. Who's with me?

Behind

Behind the seeming normalities of "everyday life", there is an awareness that transcends the common; a knowing of the deeper knowledge within. We are all changing now; we can all feel it. It's inevitable that we have reached a great crossroads.